Conflicts arise, often based on misunderstandings of who said they would do what. Or other misunderstandings. This is why people started creating contracts. These alone can help resolve conflicts if clear and specific enough. But conflicts arise for any number of reasons. In a community setting, written agreements about how conflicts will be resolved or lack of them can make or break a community. Permaculture designers have found a few tools that really work.
Non-violent communication, or NVC. This is an accepted standard for how to communicate to each other which can be especially important when emotions are running strong. The basic concept is, that instead of accusing each other of things, one states how one feels when the other person does whatever causes the upset. That allows them to look at the effect they’re creating rather than become defensive.
It is about your reaction, not them. This may not sound like much but it can have a magical effect. It encourages compassion and empathy rather than division. It encourages cooperative solutions rather than problems. Each person can look at their own reactions and think about how they can approach the situation in other ways.
There are many communication techniques that could be used. Just the concept of formal communication, allowing both voices to be heard and listened to in turn, can be healing and resolve situations.
Formal Conflict Resolution. The basis of formal conflict resolution is that both sides are heard in a formal, controlled setting, and the mediator ensures that they hear and actually understand each other. It’s important that both parties feel that the other person understood what they said as well. Again, this action alone is something enough to open the door to solutions.
We’ve tried this approach with kids who are enraged at each other, and sometimes, as soon as one of them has actually been heard, they both get up from their chairs and hand in hand, go off to play. Kids often get it, fast.
If understanding each person’s perspective doesn’t resolve the situation, the next step is to get them to propose solutions. Sometimes, depending on the stickiness of the situation, they will take a break and do further research on what all their options are, in the context of trying to find a win-win result.
One example of this was shared to me by a friend who was a mediator between two warring tribes on the Indian/Pakistan border. They were fighting over religion, or so it was believed, but when sitting down and doing a formal process, an underlying fear came up, which is that both were dependent on the same water supply and that was the cause of the fighting.
Neither trusted the other to share fairly. Once that was discovered, research could be done to determine what would be fair, and further research done to determine how water could be used more wisely by both so they would have less concern about shortages. A formal agreement was drawn up, with enforceable clauses and penalties for violating it. Out of this came more water security than either would ever have had if they had continued to fight and both sides understood this well by the end of the process.
Our famous meme “The problem is the solution” comes in very handy in a conflict resolution setting.
This topic, like others in this section, is vast. We’re covering some of the main points we’ve found are needed for a successful intentional community. We strongly recommend you do additional studying, including the classic book “Creating a Life Together” by Diane Leafe Christian, and visit several existing intentional communities if you intend to start or join a community.